Thursday, June 10, 2010

Awesome guest post from JessaZG


Dear Precut Foam Sticker Shapes,

Hi, how are you? Good? That’s nice. Anything new? I heard your selection

of shapes and themes has extended, congratulations if that’s true.

Enough with the small talk, I am writing you for a reason. As you well

know, the two of us have never really been close. I’ve always been

standoffish about how you look and feel, not to mention the colors you are

available in (do you even know that there are these things called earth

tones? Why do you insist on staying within the obnoxious neon color

range?) Adding to that my issue with stickers, I will not call it a fear,

I am not afraid of stickers, I don’t like them, I never had. To say I fear

stickers would be to say I run from them, I do not run, I just ask very

nicely, yet firmly, that no, I would not like a sticker. I have a good

reason for not liking stickers too. Have you ever looked at the back of a

sticker? All that hair and dirt and uh, ew. Just ew. No thank you.

Sorry, back to the topic at hand, I don’t like you. There I said it. I

have always danced around the issue with parents and teachers because they

chose to buy tubs of you in various themes to use for craft projects, but

I am done playing. Precut Foam Sticker Shapes, I will no longer be

indifferent to your existence, no, I will say it loud, I think you are


You are horrible the way Heather (the brunette one) in Heathers was

horrible. A scheming popularity climber joyful at the death of your craft

friend glitter, you step in and put on the red scrunchy of being colorful

and so easy to use and you convinced people that you were the way to make

a project easy and look good.

You take advantage of mothers and teachers who want a child’s craft to

look the way the real thing looks. To take away the game of guessing if a

drawing is of a dog or a tree. You and your precut smugness have taken

away creativity!

Okay I may be going a little to far in saying that, but seriously, what

use are you? How do you improve art? What do you teach kids other than how

to remove the backing from a sticky thing? No matter how hard I try, I

cannot think of one thing you do to improve a craft project.

Now I know most kids like stickers (me being the exception as previously

discussed) God knows why, but children are drawn to sticky things like

moths to the flame. Sticky things, glitter, led lights and nail polish.

But that does not mean their sticky fetish should be addressed through

overpriced poorly colored pieces of foam.

Do you know how mad I got when one of the kids gave me her art folder from

school and 85% of the work was paper with a bunch of foam stickers? Do

you? You are assisting in project laziness and I’m sorry, but art projects

are not that hard to think of. Really.

See Precut Foam Sticker Shapes; see how ragey you make me? Can you taste

my pointless rage? My problem is that people are going with all these

prepackaged crafts instead of just letting kids at it to do their own

thing. I hate that there is this Martha Stewart mentality of things

needing to look nice (but I don’t hate you Martha, YOU are my hero, we

would get along, call me?) If you want something to look nice do it

yourself. If you are concerned about junior using crayons or paint or

markers because you don’t want those things to end up on the wall,


CANNOT WRITE and have a can of paint around to patch things.

Sorry, I totally got off topic there. This letter is to inform you, Precut

Foam Sticker Shapes, that I will no longer keep my hatred of you quiet.

You suck.


Jessa zg

No comments:

Post a Comment