CRAFT RAGE: A LETTER TO PRECUT FOAM STICKER SHAPES
Dear Precut Foam Sticker Shapes,
Hi, how are you? Good? That’s nice. Anything new? I heard your selection
of shapes and themes has extended, congratulations if that’s true.
Enough with the small talk, I am writing you for a reason. As you well
know, the two of us have never really been close. I’ve always been
standoffish about how you look and feel, not to mention the colors you are
available in (do you even know that there are these things called earth
tones? Why do you insist on staying within the obnoxious neon color
range?) Adding to that my issue with stickers, I will not call it a fear,
I am not afraid of stickers, I don’t like them, I never had. To say I fear
stickers would be to say I run from them, I do not run, I just ask very
nicely, yet firmly, that no, I would not like a sticker. I have a good
reason for not liking stickers too. Have you ever looked at the back of a
sticker? All that hair and dirt and uh, ew. Just ew. No thank you.
Sorry, back to the topic at hand, I don’t like you. There I said it. I
have always danced around the issue with parents and teachers because they
chose to buy tubs of you in various themes to use for craft projects, but
I am done playing. Precut Foam Sticker Shapes, I will no longer be
indifferent to your existence, no, I will say it loud, I think you are
You are horrible the way Heather (the brunette one) in Heathers was
horrible. A scheming popularity climber joyful at the death of your craft
friend glitter, you step in and put on the red scrunchy of being colorful
and so easy to use and you convinced people that you were the way to make
a project easy and look good.
You take advantage of mothers and teachers who want a child’s craft to
look the way the real thing looks. To take away the game of guessing if a
drawing is of a dog or a tree. You and your precut smugness have taken
Okay I may be going a little to far in saying that, but seriously, what
use are you? How do you improve art? What do you teach kids other than how
to remove the backing from a sticky thing? No matter how hard I try, I
cannot think of one thing you do to improve a craft project.
Now I know most kids like stickers (me being the exception as previously
discussed) God knows why, but children are drawn to sticky things like
moths to the flame. Sticky things, glitter, led lights and nail polish.
But that does not mean their sticky fetish should be addressed through
overpriced poorly colored pieces of foam.
Do you know how mad I got when one of the kids gave me her art folder from
school and 85% of the work was paper with a bunch of foam stickers? Do
you? You are assisting in project laziness and I’m sorry, but art projects
are not that hard to think of. Really.
See Precut Foam Sticker Shapes; see how ragey you make me? Can you taste
my pointless rage? My problem is that people are going with all these
prepackaged crafts instead of just letting kids at it to do their own
thing. I hate that there is this Martha Stewart mentality of things
needing to look nice (but I don’t hate you Martha, YOU are my hero, we
would get along, call me?) If you want something to look nice do it
yourself. If you are concerned about junior using crayons or paint or
markers because you don’t want those things to end up on the wall,
SUPERVISE THEM or better yet, MAKE SURE THEY KNOW WHERE THEY CAN AND
CANNOT WRITE and have a can of paint around to patch things.
Sorry, I totally got off topic there. This letter is to inform you, Precut
Foam Sticker Shapes, that I will no longer keep my hatred of you quiet.